Ace Ventura – Of Men and Mice.
If you guys don’t know about my previous ace ventura type adventures here is a link to get you upto speed.
Ever wathced these music count down shows , mtv style with skimpily dressed females finsihing with a “Same place, Same time, But Next week!” ending? I always found that too insipid for words, and dismissed those as what I have come to call as ‘feminisims’, things that are so natural to the fairer sex that it seems completely incomprehesible to us guys. But thats a rant for another day. What amazes me is that, some places have this audacity to make you feel insignificant in the bigger scheme of things, and then have the arrogance to actually freak you out.
Now it so happens that my college is conviniently located approximately 40 miles away from the center of the city I live in, and its a daily journey to go from my house to my college. Its even more so of an adventure when you add the rare splash of monsoonal rains when chennai becomes venice for a day, albeit more dirty and without the gondolas. So this was one such day, where I had to go to my college on personal business. The journey to the college was fine, great weather, cloudy skies. It was as if some one had played with the brightness contrast controls of the world. It was what you might put as ‘picturesque’. And work in college with its usual delays was not bad and I was relieved when it was finally over. The real adventure started only on the way back.
The oh-so-lovely cloudy skies were replaced by dark ones threatining to rain any moment. When you are having a bunch of important documents in a bag the rains don’t really excite you as much as they seem to excite shriya. But my worries din’t seem to be in the priority list of Mr.Rain God and soon enough, it started to pour. Damn you! Mr.Rain God. And I had to get down at the first place which showed any signs of civilization, and that was unfortunately Guduvanchery!! Now, don’t get me wrong. Its a fine place to live in, inspite of the lack of public toilets, open drainage, and excessive encroachment. And this time thanks to the rain, the whole place was flooded. two feet of dirty drainage mixing with water, sand, road kill, teeming with tadpoles and toads and all your typical creepy crawlies. The scent rising out of that place could have put an aroma therapist to shame (and in dire need of cardiac surgery). I had no choice, to cross this insta-river or wait there till the rain abates and since the second option entailed me pitching a tent around for the next two days and the prospect of me finding a public toilet came to my mind. I decided to go with the first.
I after great hesitation, and a decent amount of mourning managed to put my feet in the murky waters and started to wade across. The thought of my precious jeans getting wet and dirty was constantly ringing in my mind. But, even worse was the thought that I actually might have to wash my jeans this time was even more frightening. I waded across the dirty waters and finally managed to get across, without incident. While I was busy goading my triumph in corssing and looking down upon those still on the other side, I felt a strange sensation rising up the legs of my pants. I din’t bother in the beginning, but the tickling just got a little worse. So, I groped around my thighs to find a strange lump, which I hadn’t noticed before. Was the water polluted enough to change my anatomy and mutate me into some kind of ‘The Human Lump’ or was it a third testicle growing in the worng place? After joining college, I have always felt like I’ve lost ‘the balls’ or something, but this was ridiculous. With a little more groping, I confirmed it wasn’t a part of my anatomy and wouldn’t suddenly make me less virile or anything. But I had to remove this lump, and unzipping in public wasn’t an option. So with great difficulty and with the nimble agility of an olympic gymnast I managed the feat of pulling the lump out of my pant through my feet. And guess what the lump actually was???
A BABY RAT!
Now, there are folks who pull rabbits out of their hats, birds out of their flower vases and all that, but how many people do you know who have actually pulled out baby rats from their pants! The poor critter was just too cold and hadn’t grown any fur yet. I can actually hear the female readers of this blog going ‘oh.. soooo sad’, but it ain’t really funny when you have a baby rat up your skirts ladies. I actually couldn’t do much for the little guy, except try to leave him in a corner, that would atleast protect him from the rains, or make him a juicy snack for the next cat that passes by.
Wow, a rat up your pants! FREAKY!
(member of “Who Gives a Rat Ass” prevention society)