To us, here and now, it appears thus.

rants, ramblings and other things that make life worth living…

SRM’s Research Scholars..

with 7 comments

Research, the occupation of all those super brainy nerds at MIT, UCB and the like. People who sacrifice their own social life and chances of making out with gorgeous super models (It is still an open research question wether they can get any in the first place) in search of truth and betterment of humanity – even if it means SNR analyisis on multiwave carrier communications. Well, its people like these who have been responsible for the atom bomb, particle accelerators, cellular phones, internet search, hamburgers , etc .. and the list goes on.

Well to prove that SRM’s intelligentsia (yeah there is one, but I am not part of it anyway) is no way less uglier or stinkier than your average ‘glob’ at say MIT or UCB, I should go ahead and post a photo but I won’t. I shall show you that their intellectual capacity* is well matched if not exceeded to atleast most of the low end coffee machines at MIT. Brace yourself for the latest and greatest path breaking research from SRM in the field of Deciscion Support Systems.

I have chosen that particular instance as a gem of an example of the type of research that goes on at SRM, which is of a completely different nature from what you would find at any other place. Well most of the research is not conducted in dark dingy labs with inhuman hitech machinery all around, but it takes a more socratic approach of open questioning and seamlessly mixes it with the tried and trusted method of spouting gibberish.

Imagine your typical bright sunny day on the 5.5th floor of an insufficiently constructed building (yeah, we have non-integral number of floors, how cool is that?). You have a sufficiently terrified little student standing before a bald headed glob – Oh! did I say glob? no make it ‘Research Scholar’ , who had managed to unsuccessfuly gork the details of DSS from a 300 page thick book in the past half-hour, stuttering to enlighten us upon the intricacies of a DSS. That’s the setting when the most path breaking idea in DSS was discovered. Here is a my report on that incident ..

[Date : Evades my memory , time : when I badly wanted to get home, Day: tuesday]

The sun was shining brightly on the 5.5th floor of a hitech block classroom in SRMEC, when young Mr.Foo (name changed , not on request) climbed on the dias to deliver his keynote lecture on DSS, and started with great momentum and proceeded to explain the various ideas and concepts behind one. He explained a pyramidal type data organisation paradigm for DSS, when he hit his first road block. Thats where our friendly glob, er.. Research Scholar, Interrupted him to ask why it was that the pyramidal organisation was used, for which foo could not give a satisfactory answer. And to enlighten us, our Research Scholar went about explaining this..

‘ The Pyramid is one of the most ancient shapes and its powers are all well documented. Infact even the ancient egyptians knew about the powers of the pyramid that they invented vassthu shaastra to help them build the pyramids. The pyramids are one of the most important elements of vaashtu shaastra, which tells us how to build big things. Since descicion support systems are basically very complex things, vaasthu shaastra can be used to build DSS, so they used pyramids to build the model for the DSS’.

Hmm you call that enlightenment or what?

Signing off (enlightened)
Vishnu Vyas

* wild exaggeration employed..


Written by vishnuvyas

August 13, 2005 at 8:55 pm

Posted in Geeky Stuff

7 Responses

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  1. Am I on the right page?
    When did our dear non-research-host of this blog go to college ?
    that makes the ninth wonder.
    or r v talking about 3 tuesdays ago?


    August 14, 2005 at 1:04 pm

  2. we are talking about more than 4 tuesdays ago…

    vishnu vyas

    August 14, 2005 at 7:29 pm

  3. Oh my god… Vishnu.. Priceless da… I think the “research scholars” of our respective institutions can compete for a “dumb dumber dumbest” prize…

    Three days ago i had the misfortune of having to endure an insightful , spontaneous lecture on how vector potentials can be understood interms of the innate potential that god gives to every human being…

    I must tell you , it was truly enlightening.. Wish you had been there.. But then maybe it would not have done to have tested the endurance of your cheek muscles from straining not to laugh out loud for a whole hour…


    August 15, 2005 at 10:55 am

  4. there’s no doubt, SRM will win by the widest possible margin in all aspects of such a competition!
    ill bet all my inheritance on it, which is of course log(x)*lox(x-1)…..*log(x-(x-2))*log(x-(x-1))


    August 15, 2005 at 8:11 pm

  5. I hate to be pedantic, but thats a very poor attempt to write down zero, see.. if x is 0, you formula is way off the mark dude ..

    you could have simply written 0, or added the clause ‘x ne 0’ ..

    Vishnu Vyas

    August 15, 2005 at 9:42 pm

  6. well, u cant expect me to spoon feed each and every detail-grow up vishnu!


    August 19, 2005 at 5:41 pm

  7. hmm? playing spoil sport aren’t you?

    Vishnu Vyas

    August 19, 2005 at 8:37 pm

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